Communication is often seen as a skill that neurodivergent students must improve, but what if the challenge lies in mutual understanding? Enter the Double Empathy Problem.

What is the Double Empathy Problem?

For decades, social skills education for neurodivergent students has focused on ‘fixing’ communication challenges. These approaches often assume that the difficulty lies solely with the neurodivergent individual—overlooking the reality that communication is a two-way street. This is where the Double Empathy Problem, a term coined by Dr. Damian Milton, shifts our understanding.

The Double Empathy Problem suggests that communication breakdowns between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals do not stem from a lack of social ability in one group. Instead, these difficulties arise because each group experiences the world differently and struggles to understand the other’s perspective. The issue isn’t a ‘deficit’ in neurodivergent individuals—it’s a mutual gap in understanding.

How Traditional Social Skills Instruction Overlooks Mutual Understanding

Historically, social skills education has prioritized teaching neurodivergent students how to mimic neurotypical behaviors. This includes enforcing eye contact, using scripted conversations, or discouraging natural behaviors like stimming. The problem? These approaches frame neurodivergent communication as inherently flawed and ignore the responsibility of neurotypical individuals to bridge the gap as well.

This approach overlooks key facts:

• Neurodivergent individuals often communicate effectively with one another.
• Neurotypical individuals also struggle to understand neurodivergent perspectives.
• True social success isn’t about conformity but about fostering mutual respect and understanding.

A more effective approach to social development recognizes that both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals must work to understand each other. This means replacing compliance-driven training with relationship-building strategies that respect different communication styles.

Practical Ways to Bridge the Gap Between Neurodivergent and Neurotypical Students

Rather than focusing solely on ‘correcting’ neurodivergent students’ communication, educators can foster mutual understanding through inclusive strategies:

1. Encourage Perspective-Taking on Both Sides

• Instead of teaching neurodivergent students to mimic neurotypical behaviors, encourage all students to understand different communication styles.
• Use classroom discussions and activities to explore how different people experience social interactions.

2. Shift the Focus from Social Scripts to Meaningful Connections

• Avoid rigid social scripts that promote ‘correct’ ways to interact.
• Help students build authentic relationships by emphasizing shared interests and natural communication styles.

3. Create Opportunities for Mixed-Ability Peer Groups

• Pair neurodivergent and neurotypical students in low-pressure, interest-based activities.
• Foster an environment where differences are seen as strengths rather than deficits.

4. Normalize Neurodivergent Communication Styles

• Teach all students that avoiding eye contact, using direct language, or engaging in stimming behaviors are valid and meaningful ways to communicate.
• Reinforce that social success isn’t about uniformity—it’s about respect and connection.

📹 Watch our webinar on Neurodiversity-Affirming Practices

By integrating neurodiversity-affirming practices into classrooms, we can move beyond compliance-based models and create truly inclusive learning environments where all students feel valued, understood, and empowered.

Why Teaching Curiosity Without Judgment Improves Peer Relationships

One of the most powerful tools in fostering mutual understanding is curiosity without judgment. Many communication breakdowns stem from assumptions or misunderstandings about intent. By encouraging open-ended conversations and curiosity, educators can help students bridge the empathy gap.

For example, instead of assuming a neurodivergent student is being ‘rude’ for not making eye contact, neurotypical peers can learn to ask, “Do you find eye contact uncomfortable?” Similarly, neurodivergent students can feel empowered to explain their preferences and needs.

By creating a culture where questions are welcomed and differences are embraced, we move beyond outdated compliance-based models and toward a truly inclusive school environment.

Final Thoughts

The Double Empathy Problem challenges the traditional view that neurodivergent individuals must adapt to neurotypical norms to succeed socially. Instead, it reframes social interactions as a two-way process that requires effort from both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals.

By shifting from compliance to connection, schools can foster more inclusive environments where every student feels seen, heard, and respected. When we teach students to engage with curiosity rather than judgment, we create a future where all communication styles are valued.