Navigating friendships during middle school can be both rewarding and challenging for students. As educators and clinicians, supporting learners in developing effective friendship skills is crucial for their academic and emotional wellbeing. Everyday Speech offers practical, no-prep resources designed to address common social hurdles. One such tool, “When Friends Don’t Act like Friends,” provides structured guidance for helping students recognize, process, and respond to difficult situations within peer relationships.

This article explores the importance of teaching friendship skills, offers a step-by-step lesson plan using this resource, and discusses ways to extend learning beyond the activity.

What Are Friendship Skills?

Friendship skills refer to a broad set of interpersonal abilities that allow students to initiate, maintain, and strengthen positive relationships with peers. These skills include recognizing the qualities of healthy friendships, communicating needs and boundaries, navigating disagreements, and repairing relationships after conflict. In middle school, students often encounter friendship scenarios that require more advanced problem-solving and emotional awareness compared to their earlier years.

Related resources: See our full list of social skills lessons.

Effective friendship skills empower students to connect with others, manage peer pressure, and build trust. Middle schoolers are at a developmental stage where social interactions become more nuanced and important. They face challenges such as shifting alliances, misunderstandings, and the struggle to find their social group. This is a critical period for promoting resilience, empathy, and assertiveness, all of which contribute to strong friendship skills.

Why Teach Friendship Skills?

Integrating friendship skills lessons into group or individual sessions offers wide-ranging benefits for students. Some key reasons to focus on friendship skills include:

• Supports positive peer interactions and classroom climate
• Reduces incidence of relational aggression, exclusion, and social conflict
• Encourages students to identify and seek out healthy friendships
• Helps prevent and address bullying behaviors
• Strengthens self-advocacy and conflict resolution abilities
• Fosters a sense of belonging and social support
• Promotes emotional regulation and self-reflection
• Prepares students to navigate digital and in-person friendships effectively

The development of friendship skills not only improves a student’s school experience but also serves as a foundation for healthy relationships throughout life. Given the complexities that can arise in middle school social circles, intentional instruction in this area is especially impactful.

Lesson Plan: Using “When Friends Don’t Act like Friends”

Everyday Speech’s “When Friends Don’t Act like Friends” is a structured activity designed to help students analyze and respond to friendship challenges.

This downloadable activity features relatable vignettes, reflection questions, and strategy prompts to support students in understanding healthy friendship boundaries and making informed choices.

Step 1: Introduce the Concept

Start the session by inviting students to share words or phrases that describe a good friend. Record their responses on a whiteboard or chart paper. Guide the conversation to acknowledge that even good friends sometimes make mistakes or act in ways that can be hurtful. This helps to normalize conflict and uncertainty within friendships.

Clarify with students that the aim of the discussion is not to place blame, but to learn how to recognize when a friend is not acting in a supportive way and to develop healthy responses. Explain that everyone, even close friends, can have off days, but repeated or harmful behaviors may signal a different issue that needs to be addressed.

Step 2: Explore Situational Vignettes

Distribute the “When Friends Don’t Act like Friends” activity sheet. The resource presents a series of short vignettes describing situations that middle school students might experience, such as:

• A friend ignoring them in a group setting
• A friend repeatedly making jokes at their expense
• A friend excluding them from plans or activities

Invite students to read the scenarios silently or aloud, depending on group comfort and literacy levels. Ensure the group understands the context and details of each situation.

Step 3: Individual Reflection and Small Group Discussion

Ask students to choose one or two vignettes that feel most relevant or interesting to them. Have students complete the reflection questions provided on the worksheet, which may include prompts such as:

• How would you feel if this happened to you?
• What would you like to say to your friend?
• What healthy actions could you take to respond?

Allow time for students to write or draw their responses. Afterward, facilitate small-group or whole-group discussions where students can volunteer to share their thoughts. This processing step gives students the opportunity to validate their feelings and learn from diverse perspectives.

During the discussion, gently guide students away from unhelpful patterns such as retaliation or internalizing blame. Reinforce principles such as self-respect, assertiveness, and kindness to oneself and others.

Step 4: Strategy Brainstorming

Using the worksheet prompts and group contributions, compile a list of strategies for responding when friends are not acting supportively. Discuss techniques such as:

• Using “I” statements to express feelings and needs
• Setting clear boundaries with peers
• Reaching out to trusted adults when needed
• Taking a break from the friendship if necessary
• Seeking support from other friends or groups
• Practicing forgiveness and giving second chances, when appropriate

Encourage students to role-play one or more responses using sample scripts or their own words. Practicing language and tone helps students feel confident using these strategies in real-life situations.

Step 5: Action Planning and Closure

Conclude the activity by inviting students to complete the final section of the worksheet, which asks them to set a goal or intention for their friendships. Examples include:

• Checking in with a friend who seems upset
• Practicing assertive communication in a difficult conversation
• Recognizing and appreciating a healthy friendship

Summarize key takeaways and stress that friendships can change over time, and that it is always okay to seek help navigating tricky situations. Provide students with the downloadable worksheet to review at home or in future sessions (Download link).

Supporting Friendship Skills After the Activity

Developing strong friendship skills is an ongoing process. To extend learning beyond the session, consider the following strategies:

• Check in regularly with students to discuss friendship successes and challenges.
• Reinforce language from the activity throughout the school day (e.g., “I” statements, boundary-setting).
• Integrate peer role-play or social drama activities to build comfort with real-life application.
• Collaborate with teachers, counselors, and families to reinforce positive relationship skills across contexts.
• Help students identify trusted adults to whom they can go for advice about friendships.
• Encourage student-led initiatives or clubs focused on kindness, inclusion, and peer support.
• Post visual reminders in classrooms or common spaces highlighting healthy friendship behaviors.

Regular opportunities to reflect, practice, and receive feedback can make a notable difference in students’ ability to apply these skills effectively. Collaboration among school staff ensures continuity and consistency in supporting friendship growth.

Wrapping Up: Building a Culture of Supportive Friendships

Middle schoolers face an evolving landscape of peer interactions that can have a significant impact on their emotional and academic experiences. Equipping students with strong friendship skills, through a resource like “When Friends Don’t Act like Friends,” helps them identify unhealthy patterns, communicate assertively, and seek out positive connections. By proactively teaching and reinforcing these vital skills, educators and clinicians contribute to a more empathetic and inclusive school culture. Consistent attention to friendship dynamics can help students navigate the ups and downs of middle school life, fostering resilience and a sense of belonging that supports growth in all areas.