Building social connections during the elementary years can lay a strong foundation for future interpersonal and academic success. One essential social skill for young children is the ability to initiate play with peers. Many students, especially those who experience social anxiety or struggle to interpret social cues, benefit from structured guidance in learning how to ask others to join in play. The ‘Asking Others to Play’ activity from Everyday Speech provides an accessible, engaging, and concrete way to teach this fundamental play skill, helping students foster friendships and grow in confidence.

What Are Play Skills?

Play skills refer to a child’s ability to participate effectively and enjoyably in play activities with peers. This includes understanding the types of play, negotiating group interactions, sharing, taking turns, following rules, and initiating play opportunities. Among these, initiating play, such as asking others to join a game or activity, is often the gateway to building positive peer relationships. For students who are hesitant, unsure of the “right words,” or needing extra practice, direct instruction and practice in play skills can make social environments more navigable and enjoyable.

Within the broader framework of friendship skills, play skills are foundational. They support the development of reciprocal relationships, empathy, and the practical aspects of group participation. The ‘Asking Others to Play’ activity zeroes in on developing the language, confidence, and social awareness necessary for students to take initiative, join peer groups, and sustain meaningful play experiences.

Why Teach Play Skills?

Some students acquire play skills naturally through observation and everyday experiences. However, many require explicit instruction, modeling, and guided practice. Students who struggle with initiating play may become isolated, misunderstood, or under-involved in classroom communities. Focusing on building play skills, such as asking others to play, promotes positive outcomes on many levels:

• Enhances self-confidence in social interactions
• Increases participation in peer activities
• Decreases feelings of loneliness or exclusion
• Promotes inclusion and a sense of belonging
• Helps develop functional communication skills
• Supports overall emotional wellbeing
• Reinforces respectful listening and turn-taking
• Fosters empathy and understanding of others’ feelings

Direct teaching and practice in these skills provide students with the tools and scripts they need, reducing anxiety around peer interactions and supporting smoother social transitions throughout the school day. For clinicians, teaching play skills such as asking others to play opens doors to broader friendship skills, self-advocacy, and relationship-building in the classroom and beyond.

Lesson Plan: Using ‘Asking Others to Play’

The ‘Asking Others to Play’ activity, available as a free activity from Everyday Speech, is structured to give students concrete language and visual examples for initiating play. It breaks down the process into manageable steps, using visual supports, modeling, and opportunities for guided role-play.

Materials Needed:

• Printed PDF of ‘Asking Others to Play’
• Writing utensil
• Space for partner or group role-playing

Step 1: Setting the Stage

Begin by discussing with students what it feels like to want to join in a game or activity but not know how, or to want to invite someone else to play. Normalize these emotions by naming them (e.g., feeling shy, nervous, unsure, or excited), setting the expectation that everyone can learn and practice these skills.

Ask students to brainstorm different scenarios in which they might want to ask someone to play. For example:

• During recess
• Indoor free time
• At a birthday party
• On the playground before school

Write or draw these on the board to anchor the lesson in real contexts. Emphasize that asking others to play helps both the person initiating and the person being included feel good and have fun.

Step 2: Introducing the Script

Hand out the PDF of the ‘Asking Others to Play’ activity. Review the specific language prompts provided in the resource, such as:

• “Do you want to play with me?”
• “Would you like to join our game?”
• “Can I play with you?”

Discuss the importance of using a friendly voice and open body language, such as making eye contact, smiling, and facing the other person. Highlight the steps visually using the checklists or steps from the activity. For example:

1. Walk over to the person you want to play with
2. Get their attention politely
3. Use one of the scripted prompts
4. Wait for their answer

Have students repeat each part, optionally using gestures or acting out the nonverbal cues. Reinforcing verbal script with nonverbal prompts supports all communication styles and helps students internalize the process.

Step 3: Teacher Modeling and Think-Aloud

Model the skill using the provided script. For example, role-play being a student and approach another adult or a puppet as a peer. Demonstrate both successful and less successful examples, such as being too quiet, not making eye contact, or not waiting for a response. After each demonstration, ask students what went well and what could be improved.

Use language like:

• “I noticed that when I smiled and looked at my friend, they felt comfortable.”
• “I forgot to wait for an answer, so my friend did not know what to do.”

Guide the class in giving positive feedback and gentle suggestions, practicing the language of encouragement and constructive feedback themselves.

Step 4: Student Practice and Role-Play

Assign students to pairs or small groups. Encourage each child to use the script and visual supports to take turns initiating play with each other. Circulate to provide prompts, support, and encouragement as needed. Some students may benefit from practicing with an adult first before joining a group.

Reiterate the checklist from the PDF:

• Walk up
• Get attention
• Ask
• Wait and listen
• Respect the answer (yes or no)

Allow for plenty of repetition, offering scaffolding as needed. For example, prompt with a whisper, point at the script, or model the tone. If a student receives a “no,” coach them on respectful responses and possible next steps, such as asking someone else or offering a different game.

Step 5: Reflect and Share

After role-play, invite students to reflect on their experience. Prompt with questions like:

• “What did it feel like to ask someone to play?”
• “How did you feel when someone asked you?”
• “What can you do if you feel too nervous to ask?”

Encourage students to share positive observations about their peers. This reflection consolidates the learning and builds group cohesion. Wrap up the session by emphasizing that every student can use these skills and that it gets easier with practice.

Supporting Play Skills After the Activity

Play skills instruction is most effective when embedded throughout the school day. Following completion of the ‘Asking Others to Play’ activity, reinforce and generalize these skills in other environments:

• Prompt students to use their scripts during recess, free play, or transitions
• Use visual reminders (such as posters or cue cards) in classrooms and play areas
• Communicate with caregivers, sharing the script so families can encourage practice at home
• Collaborate with classroom teachers to create opportunities for structured or semi-structured play
• Incorporate peer models or buddies to provide real-world practice and positive reinforcement
• Debrief after incidents of successful or challenging peer initiation, guiding reflection and goal setting

Some students may need individually tailored supports, such as shorter scripts, visuals, or more frequent coaching. Continue to monitor each child’s progress, noting increases in independent initiation, willingness to ask, or positive responses from peers.

Wrapping Up: Building Friendships Through Play

Young children benefit tremendously from direct, accessible instruction in play skills such as asking others to play. The ‘Asking Others to Play’ activity from Everyday Speech equips students with essential scripts, visuals, and practice opportunities that can make initiating peer interactions feel less daunting and more natural. As students gain confidence with these skills, they are more likely to engage with others, build new friendships, and participate actively in classroom and playground communities. School-based clinicians can play a key role in modeling, facilitating, and reinforcing these skills, ensuring all students have the tools they need to connect, belong, and thrive.