Try the no-prep way to teach Handling Conflicts With Friends

Take the prepwork out of teaching essential social-emotional skills with Everyday Speech! Subscribe to access step-by-step curriculum and over 1,000 videos, games, and more.

GO BACK All Goal Posters THIS SKILL Friendship THIS GOAL Handling Conflicts With Friends

Handling Conflicts With Friends

Conflicts can arise often for children with weaknesses in perspective taking, self-regulation, and problem solving. Handling Conflicts teaches resolutions in a slow, step-by-step process that removes the emotions so that sound decisions can be made with others’ feelings in mind.

Preview an SEL skills lesson: Handling Conflicts With Friends

1 Show the video to your students

00:00:11.970 –> 00:00:15.765
Disagreements or arguments with friends
are called Conflicts.

00:00:23.132 –> 00:00:25.843
Conflicts with friends
can happen from time to time

00:00:25.868 –> 00:00:28.625
and may make us feel upset
or uncomfortable.

00:00:32.141 –> 00:00:35.751
When we solve the conflict or problem,
everyone feels better

00:00:35.776 –> 00:00:38.147
and the friendship usually returns
to normal.

00:00:41.207 –> 00:00:42.929
To handle conflicts with friends,

00:00:42.954 –> 00:00:45.274
we can use the
Problem Solving Steps.

00:00:56.172 –> 00:00:58.703
The first step is to identify the problem.

00:00:58.838 –> 00:01:02.015
This means that we need to figure out
what our problem is.

00:01:03.837 –> 00:01:06.969
Go back and try to think of
what might have caused the conflict

00:01:06.994 –> 00:01:08.304
between you and your friend.

00:01:21.477 –> 00:01:24.367
Conflicts are almost always
both people’s fault.

00:01:24.571 –> 00:01:26.726
Each person has done something wrong.

00:01:28.431 –> 00:01:30.992
Think first how you might have hurt
your friend’s feelings.

00:01:33.165 –> 00:01:36.117
Next, think about how your friend
hurt your feelings.

00:01:42.263 –> 00:01:44.794
Once you identify the cause of the conflict,

00:01:44.819 –> 00:01:46.193
next ask yourself,

00:01:46.303 –> 00:01:49.781
“Can I solve the problem by myself
or do I need an adult?”

00:01:58.067 –> 00:02:01.720
The third step is to come up with
at least two solutions to the problem.

00:02:15.555 –> 00:02:18.395
Many times, a conflict
with a friend can be solved

00:02:18.397 –> 00:02:21.411
with a simple apology
for whatever caused the disagreement.

00:02:27.048 –> 00:02:29.778
The fourth step is to think about
what might happen

00:02:29.803 –> 00:02:31.544
if we tried each solution.

00:02:45.415 –> 00:02:47.411
Then, pick the best solution.

00:03:09.446 –> 00:03:11.583
Now, decide if the problem is solved.

00:03:16.351 –> 00:03:19.559
We know we have solved the problem
if everyone feels better.

00:03:25.651 –> 00:03:28.114
To handle conflicts with friends, we:

00:03:28.712 –> 00:03:31.950
Identify the problem by figuring out
what we did wrong

00:03:31.975 –> 00:03:33.575
and what the other person did wrong.

00:03:34.568 –> 00:03:36.825
Decide if you need help to solve this.

00:03:37.010 –> 00:03:40.497
Do we need adults to help us,
or can we handle it by ourselves?

00:03:42.368 –> 00:03:44.739
Come up with multiple solutions to try.

00:03:47.676 –> 00:03:49.458
Decide which solution is best.

00:03:49.661 –> 00:03:50.927
Is an apology needed?

00:03:53.469 –> 00:03:55.638
Decide if we have solved the conflict.

00:04:00.010 –> 00:04:02.786
Let’s watch Andy handle a conflict with Niko.

00:04:07.720 –> 00:04:08.791
Niko:
Hey, Andy. What’s up?

00:04:09.075 –> 00:04:09.880
Andy:
Not much.

00:04:09.913 –> 00:04:11.621
I’m excited to hangout after class though.

00:04:11.960 –> 00:04:12.848
Niko:
I can’t.

00:04:13.815 –> 00:04:15.606
Andy:
What? Why?

00:04:16.139 –> 00:04:18.270
Niko: I made plans to go to the mall
with my sister.

00:04:18.479 –> 00:04:19.684
Andy:
Are you serious?

00:04:19.936 –> 00:04:21.793
Why would you hang out
with your little sister?

00:04:21.946 –> 00:04:23.942
Niko: Hey, why are you being
such a baby about this?

00:04:25.765 –> 00:04:28.052
Did Andy handle the conflict
with Niko well?

00:04:29.883 –> 00:04:31.723
No, Andy did not.

00:04:31.944 –> 00:04:33.692
How do you think everyone is feeling?

00:04:37.342 –> 00:04:39.870
Andy: I can’t believe Niko
canceled our plans like that.

00:04:40.134 –> 00:04:41.659
He didn’t even say sorry.

00:04:45.676 –> 00:04:48.042
Niko: I forgot I told Andy
I could hang out today,

00:04:48.152 –> 00:04:49.963
but now he’s being such a jerk.

00:04:50.040 –> 00:04:51.471
I don’t want to hang out anymore.

00:04:53.939 –> 00:04:56.324
Andy and Niko both did something wrong.

00:04:56.427 –> 00:04:59.285
Niko hurt Andy’s feelings
by changing plans.

00:04:59.637 –> 00:05:03.145
Andy then hurt Niko’s feelings
by using an angry tone with him.

00:05:03.341 –> 00:05:05.239
This did not solve their problem.

00:05:05.829 –> 00:05:08.153
Let’s watch Andy and Niko try again.

00:05:11.973 –> 00:05:13.012
Niko:
Hey, Andy. What’s up?

00:05:13.379 –> 00:05:14.262
Andy:
Not much.

00:05:14.295 –> 00:05:15.676
I’m excited to hangout after class though.

00:05:16.300 –> 00:05:17.074
Niko:
I can’t.

00:05:18.156 –> 00:05:19.848
Andy:
What? Why?

00:05:20.387 –> 00:05:22.605
Niko: I made plans
to go to the mall with my sister.

00:05:22.827 –> 00:05:23.995
Andy:
Are you serious?

00:05:24.198 –> 00:05:26.262
Why would you hang out with your little sister?

00:05:26.771 –> 00:05:28.590
Niko:
Andy seems upset.

00:05:28.615 –> 00:05:30.598
Did I say something to make him mad?

00:05:32.402 –> 00:05:34.926
He’s probably mad
because I changed our plans.

00:05:36.898 –> 00:05:38.871
I can fix this problem myself.

00:05:41.362 –> 00:05:43.863
I could explain that I forgot
about our plans,

00:05:43.990 –> 00:05:45.395
make new plans with him,

00:05:45.584 –> 00:05:46.816
or tell him I’m sorry.

00:05:48.381 –> 00:05:49.754
I’m going to apologize

00:05:49.779 –> 00:05:51.715
and see if we can make new plans
next week.

00:05:52.514 –> 00:05:53.680
Niko:
Hey man, I’m sorry.

00:05:53.705 –> 00:05:54.941
I forgot about our plans.

00:05:55.111 –> 00:05:56.324
Can we hang out next week?

00:05:57.922 –> 00:05:59.441
Andy:
I overreacted here.

00:06:00.046 –> 00:06:03.336
Niko forgot about our plans,
but I shouldn’t have yelled at him.

00:06:04.088 –> 00:06:06.157
Andy:
Yeah, sorry I overreacted.

00:06:06.391 –> 00:06:07.559
I shouldn’t have yelled at you.

00:06:07.679 –> 00:06:08.609
Niko:
It’s okay.

00:06:08.727 –> 00:06:11.160
You can come over next week
and we can play video games.

00:06:11.344 –> 00:06:12.629
Andy:
Okay, deal.

00:06:18.050 –> 00:06:21.090
How did Andy and Niko solve
their conflict this time?

00:06:22.976 –> 00:06:24.473
How do you think they’re feeling now?

00:06:26.196 –> 00:06:29.449
Andy: I’m glad we apologized to each other
and went back to being friends.

00:06:32.681 –> 00:06:34.785
Niko: I’m glad that Andy and I
are okay now.

00:06:35.066 –> 00:06:39.004
Saying sorry and suggesting new plans
was a good way to solve our problem.

00:06:41.664 –> 00:06:43.988
Niko handled the conflict that time.

00:06:44.147 –> 00:06:47.263
He used the Problem Solving Steps
to work through the conflict

00:06:47.288 –> 00:06:48.816
and come up with a solution.

00:06:50.157 –> 00:06:53.895
He noticed Andy was upset
and identified the cause of the conflict.

00:06:53.998 –> 00:06:56.387
Then, he was able to think of a solution.

00:06:57.988 –> 00:07:02.746
Niko stayed calm and apologized to Andy
for changing their plans unexpectedly.

00:07:03.069 –> 00:07:06.051
When he apologized,
Andy thought about what he did wrong

00:07:06.076 –> 00:07:08.934
and apologized for his role
in the conflict, too.

00:07:09.794 –> 00:07:12.605
They made new plans
and both boys felt better.

00:07:15.153 –> 00:07:17.395
To handle conflicts with friends, we:

00:07:18.164 –> 00:07:21.113
Identify the problem by figuring out
what we did wrong

00:07:21.138 –> 00:07:22.645
and what the other person did wrong.

00:07:23.841 –> 00:07:26.027
Decide if you need help to solve this.

00:07:26.159 –> 00:07:29.363
Do we need adults to help us,
or can we handle it by ourselves?

00:07:31.168 –> 00:07:34.480
Come up with multiple solutions,
at least two, to try.

00:07:35.242 –> 00:07:37.207
Decide which solution is best.

00:07:37.326 –> 00:07:38.652
Is an apology needed?

00:07:39.513 –> 00:07:41.809
Decide if we have solved the conflict.

2 Review with the Companion Worksheet
3 Apply new skills with activities & games!

Try Everyday Speech free for 30 days to see all our videos and their companion activities and games!

Other SEL materials on Handling Conflicts With Friends
Tattling vs. Telling Video
Tattling vs. Telling

Elementary School

Handling Conflicts with Friends Interactive
Handling Conflicts with Friends

Interactive Worksheet: Fixing a Problem with a Friend Activity
Interactive Worksheet: Fixing a Problem with a Friend

Elementary School

Almost there…